Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize