I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Still dying that you shit outside
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
