Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
