new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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