Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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