So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
