if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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