I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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