a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
