Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
