dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
