i love accidental penises.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
