I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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