We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
