I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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