i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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