"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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