The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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