I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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