But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
don't judge my taste in strippers
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
