you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize