BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Who died my cat blue again?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
