It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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