So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
