You just made me feel so damn special
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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