found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
