HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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