Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
