So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
