I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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