just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
