You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize