meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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