Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
