You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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