I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
