Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize