I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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