Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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