Screwed.edu
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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