I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
