She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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