how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
