ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
