her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
