So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
