shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
