i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize