I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
