I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
