Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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