im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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