remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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