I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
