Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize