I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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