lets start a swedish sibling band together
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
