This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
