you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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