Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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