I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
