Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
