so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
