Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
