so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
