note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
