Umm I'm too high to move.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
