I wanna bring you to show and tell
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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