I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
