Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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