Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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